About

Overview of my world:
Currently studying film at UW Milwaukee, my goal is not to lose myself in the shuffle. Both school and work take up the majority of my time, but as I walk through this physical world I’m also working on the spiritual self. My work here includes the practice of yoga (with an emphasis on Kundalini) and the exploration of the intuitive energies. My overall goal is to find a balance among all these aspects of my life and to incorporate the experiences with the burgeoning idea of myself as an artist.

My life in a nutshell
First born of Paula and Douglas, sister to Dana, I grew up in the small town of “picturesque” Port Washington, Wisconsin. With it’s stifling attitude toward teenage freedom, I dreamed of opening an art-based youth center. You know, with a coffee and juice bar – to provide a more options to area’s young people than that of a town who was home to over 25 bars. My dream was to have a variety of events like various musical acts, poetry nights, movie screenings, and the like, all under one roof. Of course, being deserted in a land of people with Republican ideals, art played 3rd or 4th fiddle to sports and beer. And so, I gradually learned that maybe Port didn’t deserve a wonderful opportunity to have more than one agenda. I used to say Port would be great, if it weren’t for the people (actually I still say that!). I graduated PWHS in 1999 and went to MATC for a year before realizing that school sucks if you don’t have a goal. So I stopped school and worked at a grocery store for many years. My parents had separated when I was 11, and after a lengthy and drawn out struggle they finally were divorced 3 or 4 years later. For the most part my sister and I struggled not to give in to each parent’s propaganda about the other parent. I struggled back trying to make a particular parent understand my need to be connected to all my family, no matter the ugliness of the past. Forgiveness is important for a healthy soul, and I hope that one day people will realize this. During this time of relatively no academic activity, I dated my first love, and lost my all-time best friend. 3 and 1/2 years later my love broke my heart and I reconnected with my BFF. With my interest in the intuitive arts and my introduction into yoga, I struggled against depression with these as powerful allies (I was foolish though not to get any real medical/professional help, I was stubborn about being able to help myself).

My sister went to college and stuck with it. I felt a little weird that my younger sister was becoming more of an adult than I was, but I was more proud of her than anything. She was the 1st in our nuclear family to finish college. She graduated UW Milwaukee in December 2005. That same fall, I had started back in school, however, only after much debate with myself on which subject matter to study. Part of my decision to return to school had to do with my father’s passing 3 years earlier and my mother getting cancer (which she beat… 2 more years and it’ll be considered remission!). And as my heart was newly broken I knew I needed something else in my life. I didn’t want to waste time anymore. If I wanted to graduate before I was 30 I needed to go for it. I started a new job last year (at a different grocery store) and have begun to make a connection with a few new close friends there. Also, recently my heart is braving the world again, (kinda diving in feet first, which can be good and bad). I am truly starting to understand something a close friend told me about heartbreak: “The heart is like a seed, that in a way needs to break. For when it does, the flower of love can grow and blossom from it. Our ability and capacity for love becomes far greater after the hard shell of the seed is broken.” So I’m having many new experiences, and even though it can be scary at times I’m trying not to worry about the future. I’m just enjoying what we have… the journey is important, not the outcome. I lived in the future once, and it hurt like hell when what I hoped for wasn’t there when I reached that far. So that brings me to the here and now, a perpetually poor college student, striving to better herself. Who knows what’ll happen next. All I do know is that it will be an awfully big adventure.

Where my 2 worlds intertwine:
As a Libra (which you may have guessed by this Blog’s title) I am wrought with the usual characteristics of this cardinal air sign. Some pitfalls include my inability to make decisions without first looking at all sides of the situation, concern with personal appearance as to be pleasant and appealing, people pleaser often resulting in taking on too much to help the ones I love (and even the ones I don’t), prone to periods of “laziness” (which are actually spanses of revitalization needed after over extending myself), extravagant taste, and an affinity towards sweets resulting in a “curvy” physique.
But even as my weakness are apparent (even though I’m trying… change is more permanent when done slowly… 25 years with the same bad habits will take a while to fully alter) I do embody many of the other positive qualities as well. Intelligent and clever, lover of art, affinity towards beauty and sensuality, adaptable to change, loyal and generous… well I could go on but I won’t, egotism is not a flattering quality. Anyway, my point to these rambling is that even though I have (and we all have) a darker, negative side that we may not like, there is always a balancing act going on with the yang to that yin.
As I learn to empower myself I can fully utilize these positive qualities within myself. My hope in this line of study is that I can create work that focuses my potential, to fulfill my purpose. My true identity is that of an artist, and it is my destiny in this life time to reveal it to the world. And as I learn to let this identity emerge, I am realizing that my voice holds the potential to help others discover their paths to the next evolution. In each life time that we live, I believe we must learn lessons that free us from the fears that would otherwise hold us back.
In the very act of choosing this medium as the outlet for my self expression and ideas, I began also to let go of fear. We can all take these brave steps everyday, in everything we do. Little by little we can overcome the shackles that bind us. I don’t want to be afraid. I want to become someone who helps others in this quest. This is my mission. With each step (a new class, a new project, a new obstacle) I become better equipped to fulfill this destiny laid out before me. As I continue on, the person I know and want to be slowly begins to awaken. If you couldn’t tell by now, the idealist nature that I possess, is very strong. But I also know all too well that heights reached with overly optimistic tendencies will only lead to the dark depths of the pessimistic attitude. Balance is needed within me at all times, so I strive for that too. But I cannot, and will not deny who I am any longer.